All posts for the month May, 2014

Life, love and..madness..

Published May 26, 2014 by Book Junkette

Hello my twisted crullers!!

Le shocked gasp!!

The one and only, mad Tara is still alive!!

Yes, yes I am.

If anyone follows/friends me on FB, you would know that life has been rather..chaotic? Insane? Like living in a dungeon of my own despair? for the past couple of months.

Well, to be honest. Since the beginning of January.

Back in December, Dad said he had to have heart surgery AND needed to move in with the sisters and I.

Surgery was happening in Denver, and he had to be close by, to recuperate.

Please keep in mind, Amber, Gabbie and I haven’t really *seen* our dad since he split some odd 16 years ago.

Let alone lived with him.

Amber, Gabbie and I, while live in a rather spacious house, have one room dedicated just to our ferrets entertainment.

Most of our days are geared toward caring for our weasels, making sure Gabbie is set for homeschooling, getting Amber to class/work, and job hunting for me.

So suddenly throwing someone new into the mix, who has his own needs, demands and requirements, left us butting heads constantly.

To put it mildly.

I often had to send the sisters and weasels to our neighbor-friend, just to keep them from seeing me meltdown from the stress.

Dark gods, it was..

It was..

Worse than one of the darkest depression/suicidal days during my youth, when I lived with my mom.

THAT is saying something.

Mom is/was a mental and emotional, paranoid schizophrenic abuser.

It’s the reason why I can never go to Gabbie’s custody hearings.

One look at her, and I want to do something that will have me locked up for life.

It’s the reason I left for college the day after I hit 18, and took Amber with me.

Wish I could have taken Gabbie..Saved her from so much..

That’s for another day.

So for days/weeks Dad and I constantly butted heads.

There were threats of calling animal control/health inspectors on us, all because he was in pain, didn’t want to be here and was tired of our ferrets being underfoot.

Thing is, he KNEW they came first.

This is THEIR house, not his.

Not until he took over our rent, and set it up as rent-to-own.

Which meant the rent turned into a monthly mortgage, and suddenly.

The threats were REAL.

He could throw us out at any time.

While Amber could go stay in the dorms, Gabbie with the neighbor, the ferrets and I would be left hanging.

After 10 years of living with just me and Amber, I can’t really share space with just anyone.

Not, and keep my sanity.

So much stress, meant something had to break..

Sadly, it was my desire for books/blogs/and all the madness that is this life.

Even when offered to edit a friend’s book, I could only focus about half the time, and she wound up publishing before I could finish.

I still feel like a complete failure for not following through.

Yes, that’s how bad things were over my way.

The chance to edit AND be named in the Acknowledgements, and I let someone really sweet down.

I’m a PA/beta reader for some of the best indie authors around, and I’ve not made any attempt to help them with all this happening.

Stress and depression do such horrible things to the body, mind and the soul, it’s not even funny.

Now Dad is in Denver, being monitored round-the-clock by his doctors, sisters and I are settling back into our lives and I..

I have my passion back.

Well, to a degree.

Dad can no longer pay the mortgage, so I need a job. BAD.

Between Amber and I, we can *just* afford a nice place, depending on my job/salary.

I’m hoping for something really great, job-wise, so I can make plans to move the lot of us before fall.

We have to be out no later than September, so three months is kinda cutting it close.

Unless tomorrow works out, and I get a great hourly pay at a wonderful job.

I’m hoping to start back with my reviews/cover reveals/indie pimpage sometime this week.

So beyond backlogged on reviews, it’s mad.

That’s all for tonight, my crumpets.

I have to be up early, let out a weasel group, get dolled-up, let out another weasel group and head out.

I’m gonna be a mess of nerves. The least I can do is be a SEXY mess of nerves!!

Kisses and sweets!

xx Tara

%d bloggers like this: